The Truth behind Mad Cow Disease
No Comments » Posted in Jokes |
A female TV reporter from a local Seattle Station was out in thebooniesinterviewing a farmer, attempting to find out some information onthe MadCow problem.”Good evening, sir. I am here trying to collect someinformation on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease. Can youoffer anyreason for this disease?”The Farmer stared at the reporter andreplied,”Miss, are you aware that a bull mounts a cow only once ayear?”The ladyreporter, obviously embarrassed, replied, “Well, sir, that’s anew piece ofinformation, but what’s the relation between this phenomenon andMad Cowdisease?”"And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice aday?” “Sir,this is really valuable information, but what about getting tothepoint?”"I am getting to the point, madam. Just think about thisfor aminute; if I was playing with your tits twice a day but onlyscrewing youonce a year, wouldn’t you get mad too?”
Popularity: 29% [?]
The Pastor’s Donkey
No Comments » Posted in Jokes |
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the
race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . .. . being
concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your
life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worr ying about everyone else’s ass and
you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Popularity: 27% [?]
Job Hopping
No Comments » Posted in Jokes |
1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got
canned. Couldn’t concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn’t hack
it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn’t suited for it –
mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my
life, but just didn’t have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it…
couldn’t cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn’t noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn’t have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn’t fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn’t live on
my net income.
11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,
but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn’t fit
for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job
as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was
always the same old grind.
15. SO, I TRIED Retirement AND FOUND I’M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!*
Popularity: 30% [?]
Clinton Humour
1 Comment » Posted in Jokes |
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a check-up, only to find out that she’s pregnant. She is furious… Here she is in the middle of her first run for President …. now this has happened!! She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming:
“How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can’t believe this! I’ve just found out I’m five weeks pregnant and it’s all your fault! Well, what have you got to say?”
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, “Did you hear me?”
Finally, she hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice, in a barely audible whisper, he asks:
“Who’s this??”
Popularity: 31% [?]
Things that make you go hmmm…
No Comments » Posted in Articles |
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’.. but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
Popularity: 31% [?]
Why men shouldnt write advice columns
No Comments » Posted in Jokes |
Dear John,
The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband at home watching TV.
I drove for a mile and the engine just died and I walked back home to find my husband having sex with the neighbor. What should I do?
Signed,
Upset.
Dear Upset,
A car stalling can be caused by a number of things.
Check that fuel line is clear; or check the clips holding the vacuum pipes on the inlet manifold, or it could be a faulty fuel pump, causing low pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope that helps.
John.
Popularity: 30% [?]
Best sex is short sex!!
No Comments » Posted in Articles |
All around us, we hear people talk of being capable of “long and hard” sex. Well, believe it or not, most of these talks are nothing but myths. For, the best sex lasts minutes, not hours, says a new survey
Washington: Those who talk of being capable of “long and hard” sex are probably lying. Because studies have shown that the best sex never lasts more than a few minute.
In fact, according to the survey by US and Canadian sex therapists, what most people describe as “satisfactory” sex usually lasts anywhere between three and 13 minutes.
As part of the survey, Penn State University researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani spoke to members of the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
Members included psychologists, physicians, social workers, marriage and family therapists, and nurses who have collectively seen thousands of patients over several decades.
Sixty-eight percent of the group responded and rated time duration for the act, from penetration until ejaculation, that they considered adequate, desirable, too short and too long.
They described three to seven minutes of the act as “adequate”, seven to 13 minutes as “desirable”, from one to two minutes as “too short”; and 10-30 minutes as “too long”.
Findings of the study will appear in the forthcoming issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, but are available online.
“Unfortunately, today’s popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse.”
FULL ARTICLE:
http://lifestyle.in.msn.com/Relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=1321345
Popularity: 18% [?]
The toot tone
No Comments » Posted in Audio/Video |
Popularity: 21% [?]
lol … Been Scammed? Get your money back….lol
No Comments » Posted in Scams |
I AM MR MALAM JUBRIM HASSAN ,FROM THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HOUSE ABUJA. THIS IS TO OFFICALLY INFORM YOU THAT THE NEW ELECTED PRESIDENT IS COMPENSATING ALL THOSE THAT HAS BEEN SCAM BEFORE WITH THE TOTAL SUM OF 40,000USD APART FROM THE TOTAL MONEY THAT WAS PAID TO THE SCAMMERS.SO IF YOU HAVE BEEN SCAM BEFORE BY ANY WAY OR YOU KNOW OF ANY BODY THAT HAVE BEEN SCAMMED BEFORE PLEASE YOU ARE ADVICE TO CONTACT MR MALAM JUBRIM OF THE EFCC CRIME OFFICE AND LAY YOUR COMPLAIN ON HOW YOU ARE SCAMMED WITH ME WITH THE BELOW EMAIL ADDRESS: malamjubrim@yahoo.dk SO THAT HE CAN PROCEED WITH YOU.HOWEVER, YOU HAVE ONLY THE MAXIUM OF ONE FULL WEEK TO CONTACT THE EFCC OFFICE OR FOREVER REMAIN SILENT AND STOP GOING ABOUT TO SPOIL THE GOOD NAME OF OUR NATION SGINED: MALAM JUBRIM HASSAN
Popularity: 19% [?]